stuck

i can't go back and i don't want to move forward.
im stubborn enough that i want to stay here, comfy.
not wanting to step out and only yearning to go back.

yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift thats why it's called present.
a saying from a wise turtle in the children movie kung fu panda.

even a cartoon turtle is wiser than me? OMG!?!?
yeah yesterday is history cos its over.
tomorrow is a mystery cos you don't knw what's coming for ya.
but i don't why today is a gift. i've been trying to figure it out
but i can't. i bloody hell can't! damn it.

i only have memories of you, faint memories, fragile memories that could crumble any time.
im suppose to look forward, not turn back but i can't help it cos i miss you, C
but i can't break S's heart. god why is my life so annoyingly complicated????
and im angry cos it's like tht. i dont have a smooth sailing trip.
the waves are always big and choppy and i almost drown.
its tiring but what i can i do?
i can only hope and pray tht you get my message, C.
from there we could work things out but i knw it's gonna be ugly.
VERY ugly.