what am i going to do now?

I want to put my past behind, though it's not officially over but I say it's over because I'd rather let myself think it's over so I won't feel hurt, depressed, suffocated etc etc... So pretending now that I have moved on, what should I do?? It's going to be difficult but I know I have to do this. Yes bitter sweet memories are still etched in my mind and my wounded heart. It's wounded because I slashed it with my own incompetence. I hurt my heart with my own self fish act. And yes I'm paying for it right now. I know these bitter sweet memories of us won't go away. That's because memories stay deep within you. No matter how hard you want it to go away, it won't.

Memories are stubborn. They want to stay. Some are nice because they want you to remember the sweet, the happy, the great, the smiling memories. While the memories are obviously otherwise. We have to live with it i guess. Hard, tough thing to go through. Honey, who ever said life was easy, life is not a bed of roses with daisy growing by the side of the pathway?? Who the hell ever thought that life was like that?? Oh yeah, fantasies and some folk tales and fairy tales.

God help me. I need to find reassurance and patience. I don't know how I can bounce back from this gloomy part of growing up. I hate it going through all this down side. It really hurts you in a way that won't make you forget. And though the saddness, anger, frustration and confusion is no longer there, there will alway be a tinge of it. Though i tell myself to stop moping, tell my head and my heart that I did the right thing, it was what's best for me. I just feel like I can't.

I have been emotionally attached to someone and emotions are strong. I go with my emotions when it comes to this. And a person like me, can deal well when it comes to the negative emotions. Once I'm sad, depressed, feeling lonely or even angry, I can't control it. Why is it that difficult?? That's why I need help. I need faith that I can get through this. So can I? I hope so.
I really do(:

~til then