If Only

He can see this, or hear what i say and see my facial expression, it would make our problem so much more better.

All I can say is that I love you, Cris. I really do and if only we weren't far apart, things would be so much more easier. Yeap.

And I realise that your first relationship may not be the first person you fall in love with(: and that is OK, I mean really. For me, I had my first relationship was when I was 13. Obvious reason why the guy I was with was not the guy I really loved. The number 13 explains everything. Too young, too naive, so freaking gullible. I swear I was really that gullible and innocent. VERY INNNOCENT I tell you. But my friends say I was to hardest to get influence cos at that time, most of my friends tried cutting themselves, smoking, breaking the school rules (well I did too, to a certain extend). I try to be as my normal self as possible and cos I know what's right and wrong. But, what the hell right? I still went on to have a relationship knowing that my parents won't approve, nor did my teacher cos she found out, hohoho. So ironic huh??

Yeah, always the smart and wise one around my friends but I fell for the constant perstering from my friend and my own curiousity about senior guys, love and relationship. I swear i felt uncomfortable all the time. Trying my best to evade that guy. We ended it after 3 months. I just couldn't take it that it was a lie and the reason for the break up was a lie as well. Yeah I'm such a liar. But hey, it's the past, long gone. We're still friends. Nuetral friends.

Sigh, that was until Cristian came along. Weird thing cos I first talk to him when it was the time my grandma passed away. Irony again, yeap. So anyway, we still continued on talking. We had alot of fun, and some ups and downs of course. Usually, it's me trying to get his attention, etc etc.
I don't wish to talk about that. But his patience and honesty won me over all the time. And being with him for a year and a half now, really makes it difficult for me to let him go. And sometimes I think we fight more than we talk. Oh well, i don't know where this is going. But I know that your first relationship is not equal to your first love. You can have as many relationships you want before finding the person you really love(: cheerio