i dont know

i dont wanna hurt him anymore, i wish to rewrite my past and redo it all over again. but i can't. why?? why do i always say that? "but i can't" every single time i wanna do something i'll always come up with an excuse to not do it. how great is that? not really.

imperfect

you're imperfect for so many reasons, yet i still love you. i've found my imperfect someone but i can't bring myself to be with you anymore cos it's for the best

this is for you

hey sid, its a long story for me to comment on your blog, so i decided to spill it here. Yeah i am in pain, as always. i guess im gonna be labeled that away forever. haha, yikes, no. but i say this blog is like my book and pen for me to pout out all my negative feelings and cry over them. i am a cheerful person when i want to be but so happens i choose this blog to vomit out all my cries and wails, all my heartbreaking moments and shattering encounters.

yeah im still not over the fact that my previous boyfriend is m.i.a, gone, i dont know what happen to him, i cant contact him at all and i blame myself for him being m.i.a. i havent stop blaming, i just can't. because when we're together, it's always been me who spoils everything. i gave all my heart out to cristian and i always think he never appreciates what i do. On the flipside, i learn that loving is bout giving and dont matter what having any in return. sadly i was always expecting him to do something in return but i didnt get any, i got so pissed and annoyed, it drove him crazy. and tht leads to driving him away. i totally screwed up.

bothered

im so annoyed and pissed but whenever i get the chance to tell you how i feel, i retreat cos you always come up with a pretty good reason and thus i cant really say what i feel cos i'll feel so bad, i think whatever that gonna come out of my mouth will be so harsh and sharp that it will hurt you :(
im always thinking of what you feel, how you gonna react and wht will be the consequence if i do this. so thats why sometimes i hold back or not say a thing. just keep my mouth shut and thats it but now i cant. its eating me up and it feels horrible. i hate it, i feel so disturbed and uneasy. SOOO UNEASY that its bothering sssssssssssooooooooooooooooooooooo much!

I Must Be Dreaming

what am i gonna say? i dont wanna mope arnd anymore, its tiring. im half way there. i guess, fingers cross

Shattered

"what you me need for huh?" that spat, that angry remark, though it was some what a year ago, it still stings :((( i can't stop the hurt i have but every time i counter it by saying i've hurt him more. that was just one remark, i guess he didnt mean it.

but when i said to myself, i've hurt him more, it makes me feel even worst. i cant help it. it still rings in my head and the hurt is still being felt strongly in my heart. its fine, not broken, but there are stitches and scars that will always stay there as a mark of remembrance. i dont know if i can live with that. one year, so many things have come and go, and im still stagnant here. next week is good friday, i still kinda remember when we're both online and we talk and it was on a good friday holiday. memories, sweet but when being remembered now, its all bitter and sad. there's no sign happiness, only longing. i long for you to come back to me but i know its never gonna happen.