memories

hmmm think this blog has too many memories, i just can't close it down or delete it. memories are precious to me, i can't just let it go, good or bad, happy or sad. i'll just let it be a memory :) byes

summertime that never came

Summertime - The Click Five

i just can't help it because there's no closure.I'm still stuck here wondering do u still or even spare a second to think of me. do you even bother to leave me a message like u're out working and suddenly i popped into ur mind and then you would straight away get online when u're home and leave me a message or at least reply. i think i know why u dont wanna reply me cos i ask you tht question. that question that's so important and so full of emotions that it would impact us. so you feel like its better to avoid it all together, avoid me yes. a small part of my heart, a small part of me still loves you, still care for you.

IRobot

someone asked me such an important question and to be honest, i have no opinion. :(
im sad about it because how could i not?? you may think i have an opinion, but i feel like i dont.

is it wrong to think about marriage at this age? not wrong, maybe a little too early because im still 16 going 17. What do I know about marriage or am I ready? I think Scott knows at this age he's not ready either, though he didnt tell me directly but i can tell. at first we were so ready and eager and pretty excited just thinking of little kids running around, cute image though. But yeh bottomline, we both aren't ready to get now and have a lil kid crying for attention.

But what's really bugging me is that would i still be ready at the age of 22? 23? I think at that time I would still be in university. And I dont know, still seems too young? But what if along the way, I dont wanna get married to Scott? Cos right now, I dont know if I want to. Maybe its because he's so far away and that i don't know how it physically feels like to be with person you really love.

So what's really bugging me? I'm really scared that I would not end up with Scott, I choose not to marry him and I don't want to break his heart because I really believe that he doesn't deserve that. Can I endure and go through all this for the next 10 years or less?? Scott is going to be with physically for 2 weeks and then he has to go back. What happens to me after that? I know im suppose to move on with life and yes, its not the end of my life cause he will come back to get me right?

So what happens when we really get there? I mean even before he would think of asking my parents and before my parents would even approve of him, he has to convert to a Muslim. And that is the issue. Changing his religion is one huge issue. Would his loved ones approve of it? Because once he's converted, there are things that he cant do, like drinking alcohol, like what would his friends or family think? :( and how would he convert? would he accept my religion?? would he follwo what the religion teaches? at the age and time, would people still have faith? is there such a word called faith and religion? :( what about my parents or my whole big family? will they accept him as who he is? okay, one thing im relieved is that he's circumsized, thank god.

What happens when we're really really there?? Like, where would we stay? in Singapore? or in Arizona? I have so many questions i dont know where to find the answers or how to get it or will i accept the answers? What if his family doesnt want him to stay outside of USA? or my family doesnt want me to stay outside of Singapore?? i have so many questions and i dont what will become of me. And all this questions make me think twice about us. It really does :((

so many questions

soo many things happen and they happen for a reason.
soo many good things happen but are they too good to be true?
a question frequently asked but never found an answer
maybe not yet, not just yet.
i guess im so use to having so much saddness and pain
that i don't believe in happiness.
why cant i just accept it you see?